Thursday, April 30, 2009

Really ready

I just finished the audiobook version of Amanda Ripley’s “The Unthinkable – Who Survives When Disaster Strikes – and why.” A fantastic book, but it has me wondering where to draw the line on upgrading my safety.

It’s obvious that an overhaul is in order. Here’s an inventory:

• We have a single smoke detector in the apartment when we really need one in each room, and it’s not even screwed to the ceiling. It’s lying on top of the refrigerator a good meter from the ceiling.
• We have a fire blanket and three fire extinguishers, so we’re well stocked there. But they haven’t been checked to see that they’re in working condition since ... well, ever.
• Our apartment is one floor up and we only have one exit – the stairwell – which means we are living in a trap. Ergo, we need a way to escape from the balcony if the stairs are on fire.

Then there’s driving safety, child seat, airplane evacuation training, smoke mask, flourescent floor lighting, etc. We’re getting close to 20,000 kronor in stuff, so this has me wondering – when is enough enough?

Monday, April 27, 2009

Google culture

Have you seen Google today? Who else can replace their company logo with its name written in morse code? Not even Nike.

This is brilliant.

Original beef


When you have finally had enough of a job, have you noticed that whatever it is that’s bothering you was already there from the start? We notice this original beef way back when we’re hired, but rationalize it away because we need a J.O.B. Which is fine. But then something happens along the way that makes us start sweating this insignificant little thing, a minor detail that was peculiar all along but never before reason enough to quit.

I personally try to pin down the original beef whenever I meet new potential clients. Just to know my enemy. I’ll take the company’s business, but it doesn’t take much lurking to find that certain thorn that might – sometime in the distant future – become my reason for leaving them. If I decide to let it own me, that is.

The beauty of spotting it early on, and recognizing it for what it is, is that you can write it down on a post-it, smack it up on the wall in front of you and tell it: “I know what you’re up to, beef, and I will now let you own me.”

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Moccasins

I think the basis of much interpersonal frustration is that we don’t truly understand what the other person is going through. Sure, we love to say things like “I know how you feel” and “I feel your pain”, but we really don’t.

I just heard of an industrial designer who literally turned herself into an old lady in order to understand – first hand – how hard it is to open doors with arthritic hands, read warning signs with Coke-bottle vision, and so on. Scientists force students to perform similar tasks in “Moccasin projects”, as in walking a mile in somebody else’s.

I also heard (I hear so much) about a consultant who asked all his new clients “How would you prefer to be treated?” It’s such a simple question, but a baffling one. Maybe the person you’re trying to impress with fancy meals is just interested in a quick deal, or the lowest price. Imagine if we started making that effort to actually check with our fellow humans what sort of moccasins they have on at the moment, instead of deciding all on our own that they are probably just like ours?

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Kneecaps

If this is true, I am going to advocate physical punishment for the perpetrators.

Swedish television is plugging a program about a girl who lost her father in the Estonia tragedy of 1994. A life insurance gave the girl $60,000, a sum that was placed in the care of a chief guardian designated by the city council of Vetlanda. When the girl turned 18, there was the eqvivalent of a dime left in the account.

This is not enough for me to swing towards supporting the death penalty, but it’s certainly worth a tireiron to the kneecaps.

If you’re in Sweden, it’s on SVT1 this Wednesday, April 22, at 8 pm.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Blog for love

Here’s a theory: Relationships go into phases where, as Chris Rock says, “you’ve heard every damn thing the other person has to say, and it makes you sick to your stomach.” And it’s true. I understand why my wife prefers to watch Grey’s Anatomy instead of listen to me talk. It’s because on the show, new stuff happens. Me, I just keep saying the same thing over and over again – and she has already heard it. She might as well scream, again with Chris Rock: “Why don’t you go get kidnapped or something? Have some new shit happen to you.”

But instead of taking a leisurely cruise off the coast of Somalia, I blog. Nobody has to listen, and I’m fine with that. And I don’t get frustrated with Maria for not drumming up more enthusiasm than I deserve.

So that’s the theory: Blogging keeps people together. I would ask you what you think, but I can’t be sure you’ve been paying attention.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Why Dubai will never succeed

I knew Dubai was superficial, but this is just tiresome. They’re cloning camels now.

There’s nothing wrong with being filthy rich. I just wish Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum and his peeps would spend their money and efforts on something useful and leave the poor camels alone.

It’s so sad that a place like Dubai, swimming as it is in money and fantastic aspirations, counts its progress in shopping malls, indoor ski slopes and really big buildings. This is why I seriously doubt that Dubai will ever succeed at anything important. Not as long as they consider cloning race camels worthwhile.

Such a shame.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

There’s hair in my wine

The best customer service I have had so far in 2009 is my hairdresser. Instead of the customary espresso (which in itself is a reason to go back), she asked me if I wanted a glass of wine. It was 2 pm on a Thursday, but what the hell. I did.

To be fair, it is unpractical to drink anything while you’re having your hair cut. You’re supposed to sit still so they don’t accidentally take your ear off, so you end up sitting there looking at your drink and wishing you had 40-centimeter-longer arms. Or a really long straw. And when you do brave a lean-forward to reach it, you tilt your head forward and inevitably drop some cuttings into the fluid.

Not that any of this matters, and that’s the sweet part. I love the fact that I am offered a drink at the hair salon. Especially wine. Period. Must work out a way to repay the favor, or doesn’t it translate to editing?

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Singapore sucks life


The government of Singapore just made it illegal for two people to meet outdoors without a permit if they have a cause to do so. Before, they were allowed by their loving leaders to get together without a permit as long as they were fewer than five. Those times are now considered the good old days.

Yes, I know “cause” here means some sort of grievance or protest, but here’s what I think the citizens of Singapore should do: Purposely misinterpret the word “cause” and seek a permit for everything – having lunch (outdoors), going to the beach, taking the MRT to the theater, etc. The killjoys at the Department of Draconian Measures would drown in applications. Death by paperwork.

Hey, you losers made it up. Deal with it.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Suffering fools

You often hear the phrase “he doesn’t suffer fools gladly” uttered like it’s a compliment. As in “He’s so brilliant that the contrast with other people just gets so annoying sometimes.”

But this is not a compliment. It’s a way of saying that a person is so arrogant that he thinks it’s okay to be an ass to somebody for not understanding what he understands, or not sharing his opinion.

We are all fools from time to time, but qualities like patience and humility make good people suffer us with heart instead of irritation. It’s not that we’re being deliberately mean. We’re just a little slow, so bear with us.

As for me, I love suffering fools when the opportunity presents itself. You know why? Because they make me feel smart.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Gotta love the has-been

When did it become a slur to call somebody a “has-been”? “Yeah, I know he used to ride the Tour de France, but what does he do now? Nothing! He’s a has-been.” So what? At least he made something out of himself, which is more than you can say, you sidelines-standing, excuse-making, too-scared-to-get-in-the-game weasel.

It’s like “also-ran”. Well at least he ran. What did you do? “Also-watched”? Go get dressed, will you? It’s almost noon.

Thursday, April 09, 2009

Re: Greed

I had a response to the “Greed” entry below, but since it was an insane 18,000 words long (38 single-spaced pages) I had to reject it. But not for the reason that you (“Anonymous”) might think – that I am part of some sell-out campaign to shut people like you up. I actually sympathize with most of what you’re saying. I just wish you could have kept it brief. And fresh, since I don’t believe you wrote it from scratch just now.

Plus, I don’t appreciate you threatening me with a lawsuit if I reveal who you are. Not that I know or care. I just think anonymity is the enemy of civility, and you would get a larger audience if you came out. We need more people standing up for the little guy.

So here is the start of the “Anonymous” comment. Not an excerpt, just the first few paragraphs to give you a taste. The man (surely it’s not a woman?) is angry – enjoy!
“The vast majority of website operators don't have the guts to allow this post, anything like it, any searchable lines, or links. They have been deleted more than 90% of the time. The vast majority of syndicated talk radio hosts are screening their calls and won't allow this topic. The vast majority of callers don't have a clue. We are in big trouble. The truth is so Earth shattering, that no public figure has the guts to acknowledge it. Very few have the guts to allow a statement anything like this in their forum. The truth is being suppressed. We are in much more serious trouble than we have been told by any public figure. Don't be fooled by fluctuating economic indicators or short term market stability. The entire foundation of our economy is crumbling. Get ready people. Get your affairs in order. Get your households in order. Get your communities in order. Be prepared. This is no 'correction'. This is no ordinary recession. This won't be just another Great Depression. This will be much worse. Save this post now before it gets deleted.
Sometimes, I wonder why I bother fighting so hard for the little guy. Whats the point if they are too stupid to listen? Say that reminds me.
Amazing. The worst economic and cultural crisis of all time will go down in history horribly misunderstood. What a pathetic bunch of ignorant fools we have become. Consumer junkie credit card morons. Perfect little victims.”

Greed

In 1980, the average Swedish executive was payed a wage equalling nine shopfloor workers. Today the ratio is 51 workers to each suit.

In other words, figuring out who to fire when times are lean is looking easier and easier. Let’s get to it, shall we?

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

JFDI

Stands for “Just Fucking Do It” (yes, I can swear on this blog since I have freedom of speech) and is the cry of anyone (boss, parent, etc) who has run out of patience. There seems to be more of JFDI going around in a recession, which is a shame. This is because giving a JFDI response inevitably makes you feel bad and, if you’re a compassionate person, it involves some sort of apology later.

Plus, JFDI is used because it’s brutal and catchy, and both of these things make it memorable to whoever is on the receiving end. Even after the apology, we know what this person is capable of. We remember, and I heard somewhere that it takes five good deeds to balance out one bad one. For a JFDI, it might even take more.

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Catholic Queen

With the summer season coming up, I’m a little worried for prince Harry. I mean, he allegedly just broke up with his girlfriend, and he is 24, right around the peak of his sex drive. This wouldn’t be a problem, though, if there wasn’t a risk of him doing much of his summer partying around the Mediterranean.

As you probably know, most of the countries surrounding the European side of the Mediterranean are Catholic, and since 1689 it has been forbidden for British royals to marry Catholics if they want a shot at the throne. Okay, so Harry is only third in line and we will most likely never see a King Henry whatever-his-number-may-be, but still, it must keep royalists up at night.

Think about it: A rich, good-looking, well-mannered, single prince on a long summer holiday on a sun-bathed Catholic island, surrounded by black-haired, black-eyed, half-drunk señoritas whispering “hola” in his ear. And even worse, what if she has a sister for William? He’s even closer to the throne.

Or for his dad?

Monday, April 06, 2009

Regina Mandarin

Another person died recently. Not one I knew this time. Actually, she was nobody I had even heard of. But I had heard of her cause – campaigning for the return of her people to the island of Diego Garcia in the Indian Ocean. Forty years ago, the two thousand islanders were told by the British to pack a suitcase and leave their homes so the Americans could build a launch base for B-52 bombers en route to bomb the crap out of Vietnam. Just like the Sahrawi, they have been homeless ever since.

Their story is a long and sad one. This woman named Regina Mandarin spend most of her life fighting for the rights of these poor peaceful people. British police, after breaking up one demonstration, reportedly joked to the press that they thought Diego Garcia played for Liverpool. Ignorant idiots.

Contrast the treatment of these people with the same number of Falkland islanders who were rescued from the horrible Argentineans in 1982. Of course, they were white and had last names like “Smythe” and “Pinkerton”. Not “Mandarin”, for heaven’s sake. Get a grip, old boy.

Friday, April 03, 2009

Obama is an American


I hate to be the one to bash Obama, but you have to admit he is a bit American. Here is what he said a few days ago:

“I am absolutely committed to working with Congress and the auto companies to meet one goal: The United States of America will lead the world in building the next generation of clean cars.”

My question is: Why does America always have to lead the world at everything? After Obama was elected I heard an American woman say that now, after the horrible Bush years, “the world can go back to loving us again.” Hey, we have countries of our own to love, OK? Americans are full of this chauvinism, and sorry, but Obama has it too.

We Europeans are still in the honeymoon phase with him, and it’s time to snap out of it. Obama will do what’s best for America, and rightly so. We should not expect him to do what’s best for the planet unless the two coincide. If we truly want clean cars, for example, we should be prepared to fight anybody who only wants them if they’re American.

Thursday, April 02, 2009

Loving, giving, honest

I once worked at a company where the manager in charge of core values presented them to us with these words:
“One of our values could be loving ... but it isn’t. One could be giving ... but it isn’t. One could be honest ... but it isn’t.”
Everybody laughed, since the idea of us being those things was ridiculous. For me, though, a loving, giving and honest company was exactly what I wanted to be a part of.

Maybe I’m too soft for business life?

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

There is no “Nobel Prize in Economics”!

I know, I should save this post for mid-October when the winners are announced, but I can’t keep it in for that long.

Here is a fact worth repeating over and over again, especially in these days of hilarious but devastating incompetence in the economic field: There is no such thing as a “Nobel Prize in Economics”. The prize wrongly referred to as the “Nobel Prize in Economics” is the ”Sveriges Riksbank Prize in Economic Sciences in Memory of Alfred Nobel”.

Hey, I can hand out a prize while remembering Alfred Nobel, too. I’ll call it the “Henrik Harr Prize in Piggybacking Onto A World Famous Brand in Memory of Alfred Nobel”.

Why is this so important to me? Well, first there is good reason to believe that Alfred himself would be spinning in his grave if he knew about it. There is a reason why he didn’t include economics among his prize categories. It’s because economics wasn’t considered a science in the early 20th century. To me, it’s still not a science. It’s guesswork, except for the fascinating field of economic history, where historians piece together in which way the guessers screwed up each particular time.

Second, it’s morally indefensive to pass yourself off as something you’re not. It’s like showing up to a party you weren’t invited to. That’s what economists do every year when the real prizes are handed out, and it makes me sick.

When I think of it, since the collective memory of economists is so short, I’ll remind you about this again in October.