Thursday, January 28, 2010

Firing Sven softly

Just heard an interesting take on downsizing:
“Keeping an unneeded person employed is withholding this person’s talent from the rest of society.”
This quote comes from Dennis Bakke, one of my heroes, in his book “Joy at Work”. In his context it makes perfect sense, but I wonder how it would go down with Sven at the Scania assembly line. “I have decided to stop withholding your talent from society, Sven. See ya!”

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Land of the unfree

Yes, I know I’m slamming the U.S. hard at the moment, but they really are asking for it. This time it’s the odd fact that the “land of the free” is home to 25 percent of the planet’s prisoners. With just 5 percent of the world’s population. And that they shackle women who give birth in prison.
What is wrong with you people?

Friday, January 22, 2010

Full bullshit dominance

Here’s a conspiracy theory for you. I am convinced that there is someone calling the shots in Washington who sees a PR opportunity in Haiti; someone whose main objective is to make sure the world sees Americans as the only ones helping.

In the bad old days, Donald Rumsfeld and those dorks used to talk about “Full Spectrum Dominance”, which meant that the United States had to completely dominate everything. We see it in the Olympics, too. Who cares what the event is, as long as the U.S. wins.

I see no reason why these sentiments would not have spilled over to international disaster relief. Who cares what the disaster is, as long as everybody sees how America helps people who have a hard time.

Even Barack Obama is quoted in the Financial Times as saying, about Haiti: “In times of tragedy, the United States of America steps forward and helps. That is who we are. That is what we do.” (As the author, James Mackintosh, says, we’ll have somebody from Baghdad get back to you on that one.)

If you truly believe that the U.S. is the only country helping out, here are some sobering figures: The U.S. spends 0.19 percent of its gross national income on foreign aid. France manages 0.39, Britain 0.43 and Denmark 0.82.

“Is there a proofreader in the house?”

A few years ago, the idea of becoming a fireman entered my mind. I was 41 at the time, so I didn’t even come close to being accepted to Fireman Academy, even though they said sure, they needed overaged flyweights. Should have known that was a lie.
Anyway, I think this idea came from a natural human desire to contribute to society. The pinnacle of that pursuit must surely be to pull a child from a burning house. It has to be right up there with curing cancer or eradicating the religious impulse. Just being able to answer “Yes” when somebody screams “Is there a doctor in the house?” must be a great feeling.
Instead of becoming a fireman, I became a freelance journalist, on and off engaging in the rewarding and enjoyable work of proofreading. Seriously, though, has anyone ever screamed “Is there a proofreader in the house?”

Thursday, January 21, 2010

What’s wrong with work?

“Why do so many people work so hard so that they can escape to Disneyland?
Why are video games more popular than work?
Why is driving an automobile more exciting and enjoyable to many people than their work?
Why do rank-and-file employees regularly spend less time at work than top executives?
Why do many workers spend years dreaming about, and planning for, retirement?
The reason is simple and dispiriting. We have made the workplace a frustrating and joyless place where people do what they’re told, and have few ways to participate in decisions or fully use their talents.“

– Dennis Bakke, Joy at Work

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Straight as arrows

I have a new theory – meteorologists have better posture than the rest of us (that’s us to the right). Since their primary field of interest is the clouds they set their sights higher, holding their heads back and up, and placing the weight of their skulls squarely above their spinal columns.
An offshoot theory says that meteorologists also trip over stuff more often since they don’t look where they’re going, but that’s another story.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Goodluck Jonathan

You may remember that I have a soft spot for people with first names as last names (Paul Simon, George Lucas, Darryl Hannah, etc). My most recent favorite is Goodluck Jonathan, vice president of Nigeria, who not only has a first name as his family name, but has a sensational first name, too.

Apparently he was plucked from obscurity in 2007 as the running mate of now-ailing president Yar’Adua (a Nigerian Sarah Palin, if you will). So apparently he is lucky. On the other hand he has a PhD in zoology, so he seems to be smart, too.

And by the way, his wife’s name is Patience Jonathan.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Withdrawing room

Instead of a drawing room, the good Henry David Thoreau had a “withdrawing room” in his hut on the shores of Walden Pond. I like that ­– a place to which you withdraw to spend time in contemplation and/or meditation.

Even if you’re not buying the idea, admit that it’s better than having a drawing room. What kind of person has a room just for drawing?

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Öppet brev till Kronprinsessan

Skickade det här till Victoria idag. Vad tror ni?
Kära Kronprinsessan,
Jag är bekymrad över hur sommarens bröllop kommer att påverka monarkins ställning bland unga svenskar. Om vi bara får se en överdådig privat fest för medlemmar ur europeiska kungahus misstänker jag att många, jag själv ibland dem, kommer att bli republikaner. Facebookgruppen ”Vägra betala Victorias bröllop” har redan 56 000 medlemmar.
Om ni däremot ordnar en allmän "hemma hos"-fest på de stora gräsmattorna utanför Haga Slott skulle sådana här tankar aldrig slå rot. Jag ser framför mig blå-gula filtar med Tre Kronor på, Tomas Ledin på en scen, mousserande vin eller Norrlands Guld till alla som vill ha. Inga slipsar och tiaror för fästfolket, och Säpo måste ha shorts och t-shirt. Carl-Philip spelar badminton med Gudrun Schyman.
Folk skulle älska er under resten av sina liv.
Ni kan väl tänka på saken?
Hälsningar,
Henrik Harr, Hägersten

Friday, January 15, 2010

The word “balls”

My Canadian friend works part-time training staff at a big grocery store. Her duties include teaching new hires how to use the public announcement system, and to have the guts to do so. “Grow a pair of balls and just do it,” she tells the timid ones, and all the teenagers know what she means.

Not PC enough for management, though. She was soon called into her supervisor’s office regarding her use of “the word balls”.

The word balls?” she said.

Yes, balls. We have guidelines against sexual harassment and it’s not appropriate to use that kind of language. It is a male anatomical term.

I wonder if they will let her say just “grow a pair”? Or will she have to say “be courageous and just do it”? Will the kids know what she’s talking about?

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Gösta Rundqvist


My old piano teacher died yesterday, aged 64. As a teenager in the early Eighties I trudged up the hill to his house in Sandviken once a week, always a bit ashamed that I hadn’t practised more. He had tons of talent; I had none. Should have played the trombone, but I never told him that.

Now and then I would proudly play him something simple I had written for our band. He probably thought I was a retard, but he never let it show. As encouragement he would take over and play my piece with jazz improv chords instead. It all sounded way better. I never understood how he did it. It just came naturally.

When I was about to graduate high school (I played at the graduation ceremony, so I must have done something right) Gösta told me he was thinking of trying his luck on the Swedish jazz stage. He did and became one of Sweden’s most accomplished jazz pianists. At least he got 20 years doing that, so I hope he didn’t feel like he wasted too much time on me. Because that’s what he did.

I should have played the trombone.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

What do I know?

I don’t usually agree to product surveys, and when I finally did I was disqualified when the recruiter found out I work in journalism. This got me wondering. Am I assumed to know things that other people don’t?

Thursday, January 07, 2010

“Many people are invoicing me at the moment”

This weekend, I heard the best ever response to all those insincere, slimmed-down corporations who make you wait forever while they play bad music and tell you how important you and your call are to them. Next time they send me an invoice I am going to email them a note saying:
“Thank you for contacting me. Unfortunately, many people are invoicing me at the moment, but I will assist you as soon as I become available. Your place in line is ... seventeen. Thank you for waiting. Your invoice is very important to me.”
Think it will work?